Droids - The White Witch Script (Peter Sauder), Star Wars - Books And Short Stories
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"The White Witch"ScriptMarch 17, 2004Kessel Mines continues to dig deeper into the corners of the Star Warsexperience, uncovering some old gems like this previously unpublishedscreenplay from the Droids series. It is from the pilot episode, "The WhiteWitch," the first part of the four-part Trigon One arc.Droids: The Adventures of R2-D2 and C-3PO "The Trigon One" Episode One:"The White Witch"Moral: A Friend in need is a Friend indeed.Written by Peter Sauder.ACT IFade In To:SPACEThree A-wing fighters soar through space, near a small planet. They flythrough a mess of floating debris: crates, plasti-cargo containers, bundles,etc. and continue out of sight. It looks like someone has dumped theircargo.Cross Dissolve To:EXTERIOR: PLANET (INGO) -- SALT FLATS -- DAYWe pan along the desolate, crater-studded outback of the planet Ingo.The last few wisps of a salt storm blow over the barren terrain. More boxesand various containers of the jettisoned cargo are scattered about in thesalt drifts. Some have been broken open on impact. All are quickly beingeaten away by the incredibly corrosive salt.THREEPIO: (V.O.) Oh what a perilous chain of events!C-3PO sits half buried in a salt drift. He moves with some difficultyand begins to dig himself out, muttering all the time.THREEPIO: We're lost in a game of chance to a new master who turns outto be a smuggler...He gets awkwardly to his feet.THREEPIO: ...then we're tossed overboard with the stolen goods whilsthe gets himself arrested...He glances around to get his bearings and for any sign of R2-D2.Threepio sees salt desert, debris scattering, wind blowing.THREEPIO: ...and now this wretched salt storm!He glances around urgently, and starts looking for R2-D2.THREEPIO: (calling) Artoo? Where are you? (exclaiming) Artoo?!(questioningly) Artoo??He finds something in a mound of acid-salt beside him and holds it upto take a closer look. It looks like a piece of R2-D2, grossly corroded andeaten away.THREEPIO: (shocked, incredulous) R2-D2! Oh, no!What's left of the corroded metal crumbles to bits in Threepio's hands.THREEPIO: (continuing)...You've been eaten!! Consumed!! By thiscorrosive acid salt!!He is overcome by grief and looks beseechingly up to the heavens.THREEPIO: Farewell, Artoo... you were a miracle of modern technology...a... a true prince among droids...He flops himself down on a mound of salt, and buries his face in hishands.THREEPIO: ...a dear...dear friend.ARTOO: (weakly) ...brip-p-p...Threepio suddenly jumps up and looks down at the mound beneath him.THREEPIO: (incredulous) R2-D2?!?!?!?!R2-D2 pops up from the mound Threepio was just resting on, half buriedin sand, he shakes his 'head'.ARTOO: Bwakk...schnorr...ripppp...THREEPIO: (indignant) 'Miracle of modern technology'? I said no suchthing.With that, he turns on his heels and walks away. Artoo follows, a bitfalteringly, showing the effects of the acid-salt.ARTOO: (weakly) Scree...neummmmmmm...spp...THREEPIO: 'Prince of the scrap pile' if you don't get moving!Threepio keeps moving, expecting Artoo to follow. He tries, butstaggers and falls flat on his 'face'.ARTOO: (giving up) whrrrrr... (falls - clunk) ...snor...pop...Threepio hasn't noticed, and turns around to look at him.THREEPIO: Don't think you're just going to rust away and leave me outhere alone!LATER AND MANY MILES LATERThreepio is slowly and arduously pushing the little droid along thesalt desert.THREEPIO: (more to himself) Oh where is a master when you need one?ARTOO: ...beep...bip...rwww...(warning)THREEPIO: (confused) What landspeeder? Whoooo...Threepio falls to the ground as a landspeeder soars through, justmissing their heads by a few inches.THREEPIO: (looking after the landspeeder) Oh! We're saved!DROIDS' P.O.V.The speeder shoots away.THREEPIO: (V.O.) It is a landspeeder!BACK TO SCENETHREEPIO: (beat; despondent) It was a landspeeder.They watch the speeder shoot away and don't notice the approach ofanother, until it is right beside them. Behind the controls sits ThallJoben, a friendly, but serious, seventeen year old native of Ingo. He isaverage height and build; his most distinctive features are his Mohawk haircut and his flashing steel blue eyes. He is dressed in racing leathers.THALL: Where'd you come from?THREEPIO: (whispering to R2) Leave this to me! (to Thall) Allow me tointroduce myself, sir... I am C-3PO, human-cyborg relations...Thall is flatly ignoring C-3PO, eyes riveted on Artoo.THREEPIO: (continuing) ...a most useful and dedi...THALL: (interrupting Threepio) (surprised) Hey! An R2 unit!ARTOO: (V.O.) (pathetic) ...wroooooo...Thall has leapt out of his speeder and is kneeling beside Artoo,examining him.ARTOO: (pathetic) woooo..THREEPIO: (continuing, under Thall) ...a most useful and dedicated...THALL: (to Artoo) Easy! I'm just gonna take a look.The first speeder returns and pulls up. Thall's best friend, Jord Dusatis in the driver's seat. Jord is a few years older than Thall, taller andheavy set. He has a devil-may-care attitude about him. His broad smile andwide eyes spell mischief. Even so, his size would make one think twice aboutgetting on the wrong side of Jord. He leans out to see Thall checking outArtoo. Threepio redirects his story to Jord, hoping he'll be a little moreinterested.THREEPIO: Ah, you sir, um, ah, allow me to intro...JORD: Well, blast my burners, an R2 unit... Just what we've beenlooking for!THREEPIO: I..I've been programmed to...Jord and Thall carry on their excited conversation, totally impartialto Threepio's waning efforts to draw some attention to himself. They bothcheck out Artoo.JORD: What kind of shape's he in?THALL: Some circuit corrosion, a few dents... (pause) I can fix 'im!THREEPIO: I am in excellent shape...ARTOO: Brrrrrppppp!!Jord and Thall carry Artoo off and lift him into Thall's speeder.THREEPIO: (continuing convincingly) I speak millions of languages!It looks like they will leave Threepio there -- they still pay him noattention.THREEPIO: (getting frustrated) We so desperately need a master!THALL: (like a father) Take it easy, Threepio...Thall and Jord are leaning against Thall's speeder. They turn to eachother, exchange a smile and then look back to Threepio.THALL: (continued) ...You've got one!JORD: (chiming in) Two! (beat) Welcome to the racing team of ThallJoben and Jord Dusat!THREEPIO: (relieved, with gratitude) Oh, thank you, siiiiooooooo...Threepio is yanked and tossed into Thall's speeder; legs sticking up inthe air. Thall and Jord hop behind their controls and gun their engines.JORD (V.O.): Last one back to the shop is a two-toed swamp-sucker....The speeders shoot off over the salt flats at a breakneck speed.THALL/JORD: Wahooooooo!! Wooooaaaaaa!!ANGLE: SPEEDERS -- IN BINOCULAR MATTESomeone is watching them from a distance.ANGLE: THE WATCHERA lone, helmeted figure watches from a semi-concealed position on aridge. The binoculars hide her face from view.ANGLE: THE SPEEDERS -- IN BINOCULAR MATTEThe speeders pass over the lip of a crater. Two gleaming metal spheresabout the size of tennis balls glide into view above the lip of the craterand streak after the speeders.FEMALE WATCHER: (V.O.) Uh oh. Those two speeders just crossed over intothe restricted zone!ANGLE: THE WATCHERThe helmeted figure lowers her binoculars.FEMALE WATCHER: Those seeker probes will destroy them unless I help!EXTERIOR: SALT FLATS -- DAYThe seeker probes glide along.ANGLE: THALL'S SPEEDERThreepio has almost managed to right himself in the seat behind Thall.He spots the spheres behind the speeder.THREEPIO: Master. What are those?THALL: I'm not hanging around to find out!BACK TO SCENEThall and Jord's speeders roar by, followed by the two spheres. Theybank sharply, each in opposite directions. The spheres separate as well,staying close on their tail. The boys cannot shake them no matter what theydo.ANGLE: THALL'S SPEEDERThreepio is, again, in an awkward position.THREEPIO: (a little frightened) This is most uncomfortable! (morefrightened) Sir! Oooohhhh!The speeder is heading for an outcrop of rock. Thall makes a steepbank.THEEPIO: (V.O.) (very frightened) Whhhaaaaaaa!!!The seeker probe continues straight ahead and explodes on impact withthe outcrop, turning the rock into dust and rubble.ANGLE: THALL'S SPEEDERThe speeder is jostled up and down. Threepio is bounced from thespeeder to the ground below, and lands hard on his bottom.THREEPIO: Yeeoooowwwwww!!THALL: (V.O.) (panic reaction) Threepio!Another sphere floats up from another crater. It hovers, remainingdirectly on a collision course with Thall's speeder.THALL: (startled) Whoooaaa!At the last possible second, Thall swerves, just missing the sphere.Just at that moment, Jord's speeder scoots by, and this sphere joins the onethat is already following him....
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